Who Sez?!

The 10 Most Disappointing Treats for Trick-or-Treaters

Ed Levine

On Halloween night, some houses struggle with the idea of candy. There are good houses, and there are bad houses. The best trick-or-treaters know to avoid the latter. At the food site Serious Eats, we all love Halloween, but wish certain homes would just stop handing out the classically bad "treats." They weren't good last year, the year before that, or now. Our own Erin Zimmer put together this list of our top 10 Halloween treats that nobody wants...

Toothbrushes {who can't always use a new toothbrush?}

Dentists and orthodontists should not be allowed to celebrate Halloween if they're going to get all tooth doctory on us. Do not bring your work home with you, folks! We all have a personal responsibility to brush, and maybe some of us will forget, but your complimentary bristles on a stick (instead of a Snickers) will not help us remember. It will make us despise you and your trade.

Raisins {NATURE'S candy!}

Little boxes of stuck-together shriveled globs are not what little kids schlep around the neighborhood for all night. When they say trick-or-treat, they want candy that will rot their teeth, not wrinkled grapes. (Using an empty box as a kazoo-like instrument, though, is kinda fun.)

Candy Corn {one of my personal favorites - like Circus Peanuts!}

The most polarizing candy of all. The fruitcake of Halloween; it just never goes away. If you love them, fine. But don't subject the rest of us haters to the sickeningly sweet triangle that tastes like neither candy nor corn.

Smarties and Necco Wafers {WHAT? Everyone doesn't just LOVE the Necco?}

These chalky candies are supposedly "fruit-flavored," but no fruit I know tastes like dust -- and makes everything eaten after taste like dust, too.

Dum Dum Lollipops {I'll give him this one...but they are small and just the right size to fit in a toddler's mouth and hand...upside down...getting all STICKY!}

Usually, foods on a stick are yummy (corn dogs, ice pops), but Dum Dums just can't be included on that list. Not even if they were breaded and deep-fried and served at a fair.

Apples {Again with Nature's candy? And doesn't he know that apples will clean all the sugar from between the teeth?}

Long before "poisoned candy" scares, evil people were handing out apples instead of candy on Halloween. This disappointing "treat" is the main reason to avoid unwrapped food while trick-or-treating.

Tootsie Rolls {YUM! YUM!}

It looks like chocolate and sort of smells like chocolate, but the mini brown tubes are not real chocolate. They taste like watered-down chocolate, and have a chewy texture that will strip the fillings right off your molars.

Miscellaneous, Wrapped Hard Candies {Point for Ed!}

Halloween is supposed to be a holiday for young people, not senior citizens who suck on hard candies all day. Something about the strawberry-shaped strawberries, gold-wrapped butterscotch, and peppermint feels past the expiration date. (These usually get set aside for Granny.)

Laffy Taffy {Banana is the BEST!}

I do not laffy when I get these. I sobby. I get depressedy. Because it gets all stucky to my teethy and doesn't even taste that goody.

Anything Fun-Sized {All good - CHOCOLATE soothes the inner BEAST!}

Who started calling it this? Since when is one bite fun?! Give us the rich houses with the sprawling driveways and full-sized candy bars any day. Portion control doesn't need to start this young.

BEGGARS can't be CHOOSERS!

Check out these Halloween treats you will want to eat.